I was writing an email earlier and started describing this novel I'm listening to on the CD, when it occurred to me that I should just put my impressions on Goodreads, where my correspondent would still see them, and I wouldn't have to go to the trouble of re-keying my opinion every time I wanted to tell it to someone. It then occurred to me: why not continue the fragmentation of subject-specific social media sites to the point of utter absurdity? For instance (and I'm sure these URLs are already taken, but obviously for the wrong reasons):
|If you want to…||then visit…||and…|
|tell someone what you’re doing||twitter.com||update your status for your followers.|
|recommend a moving book||goodreads.com||apply five stars to your latest read.|
|seek sympathy during your kids’ illnesses||snottovoce.com||update the phlegm volume monitor and color chart.|
|describe an argument with your S.O.||bicker.net||create a graph of how many times that jerk said "you're pronouncing it wrong."|
|proclaim allegience to your local professional sports franchise||fansonly.com||log in to your home field and place a fanpoints wager on the big game.|
|discuss the way you feel when you see your child succeed at something new||boasteez.com||use the big hammer to hit the pride bell, which causes ring.wav to launch on your followers’ pages.|
|let your professional connections know about your latest project||linkedin.com||complete the “What are you working on?” field.|
|note that you’ve found a weird bruise on your leg, but can’t remember bumping it on anything||contusia.org||build-a-bruise™ using a color palette in yellows, purples and browns while your friends rate your injury with up to five(!) ice-packs.|
|extend this joke any farther||the comments link||do it there.|
Can we please stop screeching "Woooooo?" It's embarrassing. I recommend that "Woooo" be replaced with a simple humming sound. How majestic that would be as it swelled over the crowd at the parade, sports event, or concert.
How old I must be.