Sunday, February 18, 2007

You Will Purchase My Painting, Thank You

The ultimate symbol of virility, potency and danger, the great white shark has evoked terror and envy in men for centuries. Sleek, powerful, deadly and strangely suave, this ancient predator speaks to all that is manly and elegant. The only thing that could possibly make the great white a more fitting emblem for you -- YOU, oh powerful advertising executive or hedge fund manager or mid-level state-employed labor lawyer -- is a testosterone-rich eight-point rack of wapiti antlers with a six-foot spread.

The meat-eating, red-blooded, hippie-dicing scourge of the deep has finally achieved a level of ornamentation commensurate with YOUR status and power. And it's time for you to take him home.

The Elusive Antlered Shark in His Gilded Frame

At a manageable 18x24 inches, but surrounded by a FABULOUS RESPLENDENT freaking AWESOME frame of the finest gold-painted resin cast in a breathtaking baroque undersea motif, your Antlered Shark will fit any room and any decor -- provided the room is made for dominating your inferiors, impressing your admirers, or frightening those who would foolishly oppose you.

$250. Comment if you're man* enough to be interested.

Your symbol awaits.

*Dear women: you too!


Amy Plum said...

Have you ever seen the collection of the MOBA? (

I once sent them a donation of a painting depicting a miniature UFO landing in a fruit still-life (tiny Martians wandering amongst the fruit) that I found in an estate I was selling. You may want to consider, although I'm not sure you could count it as a tax write-off.

Bill Braine said...

You wound me.

Anonymous said...

He looks very Seussian- I like it.